Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize