I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize