So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
