You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
