the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
