My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
