Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
