Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
