why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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