i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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