she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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