he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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