We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
