It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
