Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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