Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize