Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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