just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
