I looked at my own cervix.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
