I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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