Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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