he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
