Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
