Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
