dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize