you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
