dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
