Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize