I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
