Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
