did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
