yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize