I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
