i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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