i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
