I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
