if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
