I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
