Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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