my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
