Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
