I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
