I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
