After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
