Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
