wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
