His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
