I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
