Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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