It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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