I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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