I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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