Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
