WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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