nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
