please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
