i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
