pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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