my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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