you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
