and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
