Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
