We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
