i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
