youre lurking in front of me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In America we eat man semen.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize