well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
