Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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