don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
