Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My first STD was from a foam party
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
