You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
